What If Finding Purpose Was Never the Goal?
Hey! Can I be honest with you? Sometimes, I feel like I’m so behind in life, not knowing what my “purpose” is. Can we talk about it?
Recently, someone asked me, “So, what’s your purpose?” It felt like a job interview I wasn’t prepared for. I paused, then blurted, “I don’t know,”. For a second, I wished I had some kind of life GPS to tell me where I was heading, just so I didn’t come off as completely lost. Instead of leading to a nice evening, the question launched me into a wave of introspection. It felt like a big question that demanded an answer I couldn’t find. Why didn’t I have one? What am I here for?
“For a second, I wished I had some kind of life GPS to tell me where I was heading, just so I didn’t come off as completely lost.”
Purpose can feel overwhelming to define, at least to me, especially when it’s tied to an image of having it all together. Often, this looks like the curated, glamorous lives we see on social media, creating a distorted idea of happiness and success.
I sometimes feel fear of missing out (FOMO), but I’m not even sure what I’m missing out on. It’s easy to slip into a hustle mindset, chasing after the ‘right’ opportunities and places, but I often wonder about the cost. Am I trading rest, genuine friendships, or meaningful experiences for an ideal that might not even be my own?
“Comparison is the thief of joy”
Now, excuse me while I sound like my mom, but maybe it is these damn phones. Seriously. Social media has become so oversaturated that the pressure to have it all figured out is overwhelming. With every scroll, it feels like everyone is living the life I sometimes wish I could. You know that saying, “comparison is the thief of joy”? That’s exactly it. Whether it’s someone going on their fifth holiday before spring, or people living their best “found my tribe” lives, it causes a sense of deficit in our own lives.
And, again comes the spiraling thoughts: Why don’t I have this? Why am I not there? Somehow, after all that mental gymnastics, it lands on, “What even is my purpose in this life?”
The Pandemic's Impact
As a 20-something who was finishing university when COVID hit, I know how much the pandemic disrupted our lives. Many in my generation had plans upended, with careers and milestones postponed as we faced uncertainty from behind a screen.
The pandemic left a deep sense of loss—time, milestones, certainty. It’s no surprise that so many of us have questioned our purpose. Studies show heightened levels of anxiety, depression, and existential despair during that time¹. Young adults and adolescents were particularly affected, dealing with disrupted milestones and isolation, which contributed to mental health struggles. While these trends varied across different generations and countries, they highlight how the pandemic deepened uncertainty, leaving many grappling with purpose in ways earlier generations didn’t. If you felt lost or still do, you’re not alone.
“Life isn’t just one straightforward path; it’s a culmination of different experiences, phases, and even lifetimes within one. ”
I used to feel stuck in that loop of questioning my purpose all the time. If you feel that way too, it's okay—but it’s not the end of the story.
We’re often taught to see purpose as one singular, fixed goal. But I believe it’s more about doing good for others and being a positive presence in society. Life is a mix of experiences and stages, from childhood to adulthood, each shaping us in unique ways. Some people find their passion early, but if you're still figuring it out, don't worry. Things will fall into place, and your journey will most likely look different from others.
The key, I think, is to tune out the noise and focus on what truly matters to you. Stop looking for answers from strangers who don’t know your story. Trust yourself, and if you believe in God, you know He’ll guide your path. To live a meaningful life, focus on what’s meaningful to you—not what others think. Whether that’s volunteering, donating, or small acts of kindness, do what aligns with your values and brings you fulfillment.
Where Do We Go From Here?
“A chair’s purpose is to be sat on. But we’re not objects. We’re complex and ever-changing. ”
So, what if finding purpose was never the goal?
The Oxford dictionary defines “purpose” in terms of objects—like a chair’s purpose is to be sat on. But we’re not objects. We’re complex and ever-changing. As I’ve been writing this, I’ve come to realise that there’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting to find your purpose. The issue arises when it starts to feel like a source of inadequacy—when you measure your worth by what you think you’re lacking, rather than what you already have.
Maybe purpose isn’t something we achieve or complete but something we create, moment by moment, by showing up, growing, and giving back. Instead of chasing a single 'purpose,' we might find fulfillment in the small ways we live with intention and connect with others. Purpose could be less about arriving somewhere and more about being present in who we’re becoming.
The key is to shift your focus. Instead of dwelling on what’s missing, focus on what you do have—your strengths, your skills, your ability to make an impact in ways both big and small. It's about where you choose to attribute meaning in your life. That’s where your purpose lies. It’s in the relationships you nurture, the risks you take, and the moments when you act with intention. Today, your purpose might look like being a great friend, a supportive partner, or even the best Netflix binge-watcher. Whatever today looks like for you, I hope it continues to guide you forward.
If this post does anything, I hope it inspires you to stop worrying about the life you’re not living and start embracing the one you have. If something resonated, great! If not, I’ll assume you’ve already got it all figured out (seriously, if you do, we need a group chat. Also, do you take appointments? Asking for everyone). At the very least, I hope it gets you thinking. And if it does, feel free to share those thoughts—I’d love to hear them!
Signing off, a recovering over-thinker x
Sources
World Health Organization (2022) COVID-19 pandemic triggers 25% increase in prevalence of anxiety and depression worldwide. Available at: https://www.who.int/news/item/02-03-2022-covid-19-pandemic-triggers-25-increase-in-prevalence-of-anxiety-and-depression-worldwide
Racine, N., McArthur, B.A., Cooke, J.E., Eirich, R., Zhu, J. and Madigan, S. (2022) ‘Increases in depression and anxiety symptoms in adolescents and young adults during the COVID-19 pandemic’, Psychological Medicine. Available at: https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/psychological-medicine/article/increases-in-depression-and-anxiety-symptoms-in-adolescents-and-young-adults-during-the-covid19-pandemic/F10C068F4D7A7AEDF2699A517904C1EB
Festinger, L., 1954. A Theory of Social Comparison Processes.
Cooley, C. H., 1902. Human Nature and the Social Order.
The Modern Mind, 2024. Dr Julie Smith | How to live a meaningful life [online] Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4M11Td1VMk